Learned my lesson
by AstonSilver
Summary: "You'd think that I'd learn my lesson by now." Merlin hates losing people. But he hates talking about it with others more. And so, when Arthur starts poking around in his life, he doesn't much appreciate it.
**AN: So...I've doomed one of my friends to heartache. I've got them to watch Merlin. Oops? I believe most of it is due to there being some knowledge of the Arthurian legends within the show and the knowledge is good to know for Yu-Gi-Oh, as they have the Noble Knights deck and we discuss the show often enough around him.**

 **Anyway, beyond that, a lot of my time has been occupied with game night and making a cloak. It's a lot of work and it's painful because I'm sewing it by hand, since I don't have a working sewing machine that I know how to use.**

 **Before I begin this, I'd also like to say this: I'm supposed to be working on trying to find someone to cosplay as - from any fandom I'm in or know enough about - for a convention coming up. I'd prefer not to buy anything, though. Suggestions would be wonderful.**

 **Thanks, enjoy.**

Merlin's eyes lacked their normal happy, spirited light. They had for a while.

But as Arthur, the Knights, and him were out on a hunting trip, it was more obvious to his friends than ever as he sat by the fire after starting it, staring off at the sunset with a blank expression.

Arthur shared a look with Gwaine before looking back at Merlin. "What's with you?"

Merlin glanced back before he gave a cheeky smile. "Nothing. Just admiring the view," he commented. "Why, is some quiet not what you wished, _sire_?"

Arthur rolled his eyes in response, seeming reassured that his servant was fine. Gwaine shrugged when he got a look from him.

When everyone else was asleep, Merlin sat back up, staring at the dying fire silently.

Arthur rolled over just then, his eyes blinking open to stare at his manservant, glad that the other male didn't bother to so much as glance at him.

And as such, he watched as Merlin let his head sink into his hands, shoulders slumped in what seemed to be defeat and whispered words he never expected he'd hear from the warlock.

"I'm so sorry I failed.."

 _Failed? What on earth is he on about? He's done nothing that anything was expected of him,_ Arthur thought with a frown.

But the pure sorrow and heartache in his words were what really stuck with Arthur through the night.

He woke before the others, looking over to see Merlin still sitting by the fire, seeming to have gotten a few hours sleep, though not much.

"Who have you failed?" He asked of the raven-haired man.

Merlin blinked at him. "What?"

Arthur gave him a look. "Heard you say you were sorry you'd failed last night. Who'd you fail? Because none of us have expected anything of you for you _to_ have failed,"

"Oh." Merlin said, looking away before he shrugged. "Doesn't matter."

Arthur rolled his eyes, sitting beside Merlin and watching him. "Right. It does matter. So tell me, maybe I can help you make whatever it is up to them," he said.

Merlin stared at him in shock before he shook his head, his eyes dark as they stared back at the fire. "You can't."

Arthur went to protest, but Merlin continued before he could, pain radiating from his next words.

"You can't help. Because I can't make something up to someone who's _dead_ ,"

Nothing else was said between them about it.

When they'd returned to Camelot, Merlin disappeared.

Arthur looked at Gwaine as they dismounted before he spoke. "What do you know of Merlin's relationships?"

Gwaine gave an odd look to him, but shrugged. "He seems nice enough, but I don't think I've seen him be with anyone recently,"

"Recently?" Arthur asked, hoping for clarification.

"He mentioned to me once that he felt like everyone he got involved with got hurt or killed,"

Arthur nodded and left without another word.

The next week went much the same as always, Merlin being cheerful and throwing teasing remarks at him. Arthur smiled, but he couldn't help but feel like it was being faked.

Slowly, but surely, Arthur watched as Merlin got better, happier. He wanted to ask, but when Gwaine started teasing Merlin while they were all at training and just standing around, he gathered that Merlin was in a new relationship.

And he had to admit, he was glad for it, because he'd started to really miss his friend being happy.

Things settled into their normal routine, no fake happiness to be seen.

But about two months later, Arthur found himself having to dampen the happiness with an execution. While he didn't like it, he hadn't really seen how sorcery could be a force for good. As such, if given reason, he still executed it's wielders.

He missed he pain on Merlin's face as the girl died, and missed all the clues for the following week of Merlin's happiness fading.

It wasn't until later that Arthur noticed his friend's mood had slipped again.

"Alright, what is it this time?"

Merlin looked at him, but didn't bother to muster up a fake smile, just shrugged and looked down at the armour he was polishing. "I don't know what you're talking about, Arthur,"

Arthur gave him a deadpan look. "Yes you do. Why do you look so heart broken?"

Merlin didn't answer, just finished his polishing and left without a word.

When Gwaine gave him an unhappy look later at the training field, he sighed and shook his head. "He won't speak to me about it, won't mention anything's wrong,"

Gwaine frowned. "I wonder what happened. He seemed rather upset when I asked how it was going," he remarked.

They didn't speculate any longer.

It was a week later that Merlin found himself cornered by Gwaine.

"What'd she do?"

Merlin stared at him as if he didn't understand before he looked down. "She was the last execution's victim," he spat, bitter sadness filling his voice. "She died. Now if you don't mind, I have work to do,"

Gwaine let him go without a word, but he was frowning at the news he'd gotten.

When he saw Arthur the following day, he shared the information he'd gotten from Merlin.

Arthur hadn't been happy, but he'd understood.

Thankfully, the sorrow didn't last long before Merlin recovered and was himself again.

When the servant gave them a beaming smile as training ended, Gwaine spoke. "Another?

Merlin shook his head, his smile dimming a good bit. "Nope. I learned my lesson," he said with a shrug. "The price is too high, I can't pay it,"

And for all the pain it caused Merlin to say it, the pain it caused his two closest friends was so much worse.

But as it turned out, he hadn't learned, as they slowly found out over the coming few years.

They watched as Merlin eventually got into a relationship with someone who was nice, usually someone new in Camelot, someone that in their opinion deserved him, only for them to end one way or another, usually by their death happening somehow.

And each time, they didn't leave Merlin alone until he was okay again. It hurt to see him so hurt, but they knew better than to let him blame himself for it.

It was only after he'd lost his last girlfriend because she turned traitor that they saw his hope vanish.

"What now?" Arthur asked him, and Merlin knew what he was asking without a second of thought.

"I was wrong. I've yet to learn anything," Merlin said, tears he refused to shed in his eyes.

Arthur was quiet for a while, letting Merlin have time to calm before he spoke again. "Well, I guess it's a good thing you've got Gwaine and me, then. We aren't going _anywhere_ , I assure you,"

Merlin looked back at him before he gave a weak smile, but at least it wasn't fake. "Thank you, Arthur."

"Not a problem,"

They never found out the real reason behind Merlin's pain at losing people. They never asked him after he brushed them off the first time they'd comforted him after a loss.

And as such, they never knew that them being there for him had fixed the problem that had caused the most pain. It wasn't the loss of a person that had bothered the warlock, but the loss of someone he felt safe with, the loss of feeling as if he belonged somewhere.

 **So...this isn't my best. But I felt I needed to write something.**


End file.
